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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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