Jerry, you need to find god
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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