then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They took my balls.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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