do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
