and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
