i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
