Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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