Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
People in love make me want to vomit
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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