i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
