he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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