sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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