This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just pee around me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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