Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
God, I missed his penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
