So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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