it hurts more in the daytime
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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