there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
