I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
