We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
