girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
