Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
