Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
