I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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