I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
