help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
