Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
