there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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