Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
