She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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