She went from zero to smokin in five shots
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
