I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
