apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
