biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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