You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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