What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She bit a glass in half.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
