I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
