This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
