im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
