What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
