weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
