I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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