anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
