I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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