Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
