My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
