Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
