Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
