Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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