Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
