Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
