You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
