I faked an abortion last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
