Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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