How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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