I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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