SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
