you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
