im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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