our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
