woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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