he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
