You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
