I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
